More of where I've been...

I had been a lukewarm, bench sitting, ‘pewsitter’ for a number of years…stuck in a tiny, quiet, legalistic church where the spirit rarely visited and was seldom spoke of. Earlier this year, due to circumstances out of my control regarding a close friend and sister in Christ, I and a few others left that church. Some saw it as a church split and so suddenly my church community of 9 years was ripped from my walk. And so, rather than spitting me out of His mouth, God saw to it that I was removed from my comfort zone, and it was painful and disconcerting, yet I drew near to Him. I continued to study and fellowship with those few who had left and prayed for something bigger, praying earnestly for the Holy Spirit to provide me a place to rest and grow. Since then God has continued to bring me situations, people, and places that have given me a clearer understanding of who He is and the direction He wants me to go. He has brought me to places I could never have imagined…as I sought His church…His people. And He continued to show me things that I needed to see…because my biggest problem wasn’t being stuck in a legalistic church, my biggest problem was me.

With His guidance and through those He has sent I have come to realize that I am fully acceptable and fully worthy. But to know that wasn’t enough…I’ve had to continue to be shown it through His love to get to a place within myself where I could accept it for myself.

Eventually God brought me here, to Victory Christian Church, where He continues to work on me. Here I have come not only to see the spirit moving but to expect it, embrace it and truly feel it within me. God continues to work on my imperfections and to reveal and remove those strongholds that have kept me from an abundant life in Him. I have not only come to understand, but I have come to BELIEVE that there is no affirmation from people, no missing validation from my past, no relationship that is going to satisfy me. I AM fully worthy and I BELIEVE I am acceptable… He is the bread of life but He is also the peanut butter and jelly for in Him I am fully satisfied.

It Surrounds Me

I drove through the reservoir on my way to work today, a bright sunny sub-zero of a temperature day.

As I crossed the tiny causeway that intersects the reservoir I observed the tiny bushes and small trees that lined the road. There was a fine, pure white frost thick on the branches making them look like something in a fairytale land and as I drove by, pure crystals of ice reflected the sun and sparkled like the brightest LED light you can imagine, and I thought....

....this, this might begin to approach how my Father's house will be. But my Father's house will be so much more than I or anyone can imagine. It's glory and beauty will be more than the most proclaimed artists can render, more than the brightest visionaries can foresee and more than the best technology can mock-up. I looked upon the beauty that God shared with me today and I slowed, and I smiled, and I said thank you.

I can not wait to put on the finest garment that He will clothe me in and bask in the beauty knowing that in His eyes I am part of what makes it beautiful!! A reflection of the Son, I will sparkle because I AM beautiful. ;-)

My past does not define my future

I talked with Leah today. I am always so encouraged by her as I hear the Spirit that is inside of me speak through me, assuring her that I am more or less on the right path, am changed from the person I used to be some 16 or so years ago since I met her. Oh my, how the time flies. Oh my, how hard I was, closed, reactive, stressed, hurting, angry a lot of the time, resentful, burdened, enslaved, cold and unloving.
I was a good person. Isn’t that what they all say? What did she see? This young woman, who seemed so innocent to the ways of the world - how could she have ever thought to consider I could be saved? After all, I was sure I didn’t need saving. I went to church, sometimes. Believed in God and thought about Him when I needed something. Why would she venture into my world, risk getting dirtied by my inequities? There is of course no answer; no earthly answer to these rhetorical questions. There is a heavenly answer though. When someone like Leah walks in the footsteps of the Savior, they see what He sees…where someone is going, not where they’ve been. They see redemption, not condemnation. They cloak the anger and pain with love and pray for a softness to take over the hardened. That was Leah’s prayer for me; that the God of all creation would soften my heart, and draw me near to Him.
I look back on the last 16 years with regret sometimes and I see how close I came to ‘getting’ it before now and also how close I came to completely falling away. Sometimes it feels as though I have wasted so much time, but I know there is no benefit from looking at my walk, my transformation, the revealing of my new self and how long it took, in a negative way. Every seed has its own germination time, every fruit it’s time of peak harvest. God knows this and I trust that while He would have loved to spare me from some of my own undoing, He allowed it as part of the process. What good is watering a seed if it is plucked from the earth before it can bear fruit? What good is harvesting the fruit if it is bitter or sour without enough time to ripen to full sweetness? Oh how I love the God who allowed me my own will in order to choose Him. Oh how I love that He chose me first. I choose my future path now…rather than wandering down ‘a’ path and sometimes veering off into brambles and thorns before stumbling on the easy path again and being moved along with the rest of the world. This path is not as easy, it is less traveled….but oh the colors. They are so vibrant, and the air is so clear and the scent of God is everywhere. This is the path I choose. It is the path that begins with acceptance. Acceptance of myself and the embracement of an attitude of gratefulness and trust that today, I am exactly where I am supposed to be. This fruit of course, is not yet fully ripened, has a ways to go to full sweetness...but the roots are on firm ground now, near running waters that give life and oh how the Son does shine!

If there are trials, they will strengthen me, when there is bounty I will share it and where there is love, my God is there and I will run to Him.

Outlive Your Life

Outlive Your Life
Max Lucado
Thomas Nelson Publishers

Max Lucado is the quintessential story teller. In Outlive Your Life he continually weaves a story that readers across the masses can relate to while bringing attention to the social injustices of our time. Max paints a transparent picture where he, like us, is no less tempted to turn a blind eye and allow life to go on as usual while avoiding the uncomfortableness of facing those less fortunate.

Throughout the book Max reminds us of how the 1st Century church dealt with social injustice by drawing from their eye-witness accounts of how Jesus treated the poor, the handicapped, the diseased and the unloved. Max reveals how the extra-ordinary can be accomplished by the ordinary and challenges the reader to outlive his life by allowing God to work through us. As Max puts it “none of us can help everyone. But all of us can help someone”.

I am reminded through the text as I read in my warm, comfortable home that I am among the wealthy in respect to the vast majority of the rest of the world. I am average for sure, among my peers and neighbors but according to Max Lucado “In the game of life, many of us who cross home plate do so because we were born on third base. Others aren’t even on a team”.

For us, the writer points out that our biggest obstacle to outliving our lives is letting go of our biases and reaching out to those in need regardless of their background. We are called to understand the common Savior that binds us to one another. I highly recommend Outlive Your Life and join the author and his call to step out of my comfort level and make a difference.

This review was completed after reading a complimentary advanced copy of Outlive Your Life that was provided through Booksneeze by the publisher.

The Heavens Proclaim His Glory

The Heavens Proclaim His Glory - a book review
a spectacular view of creation through the lens of the hubble telescope
created and compiled by Lisa Stilwell
Thomas Nelson publishers

This is a fascinating book where galactical images leap off of the page.

Star-studded quotes from the likes of Abraham Lincoln and Henry Wadsworth Longfellow to current day Christian recording artists Third Day are used to draw the reader to understand this vast creation and to bring glory to it's creator. We are spiritually lead through the eye of the Hubble and the scriptures to understand our minute existence, the infinitesimal position of humanity, in which God chooses to place his image.

Science is brought to life and the heavens are brought to earth. The details of each of the Hubble photos are presented in a way that the reader is entranced by the magnitude of it all. The reader is lead to an appreciation of the Hubble Telescope and the value it has brought to the world. Scientific facts speak to the knowledgeable background of the author and contibutors of this delightful piece of science made into art.

An awesome coffee table book that will thrill the scientist and comfort the spiritual heart. This book will entertain children and educate the adult. It is something that the reader can continue to go back to and walk away with a nugget of inspiration possible only through the majesty which is the creation we live within.

Further Examination

I attended a Singles Christian Conference the other day entitled the Agape Event. Reknowned speaker Dr. Gary Smalley, Shaunti Feldhahn, Pastor T. C. Brantley of Restoration Springs Church and Rev. Dr. Arthur Rouner blessed the attendees with insightful and encouraging presentations.


While I welcomed the opportunity to be with other Christian singles and to be taught from God's word I can't help but wonder why the old hurts continue to come back in times of reflection as certain subjects are discussed. I have prayed and forgiven and put the past behind me in order to move forward but still, I have to wonder...is it enough? I am lead to think: What have I left out, missed, neglected, is still unresolved? But then I wonder...are those hurts and those thoughts merely things the great deceiver wants me to believe or stay distracted with to keep me from doing the things God has in mind for me? for His Kingdom?


Dr. Smalley has a 4 Day Belief Challenge - that in essence teaches one to "demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" 2Cor10:5 And so I memorize and meditate on the scriptures which remind me to be humble, love the Lord, Love my neighbor and rejoice in sufferings. I replace those random negative thoughts with whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable— is excellent or praiseworthy Phil 4:8 and the Spirit within me leaps for joy giving approval and rejoicing the victory over the enemy.

Moving forward

First, let me say that yes, I have finally deleted the 'Sent' folder harboring my troubled emotions, wants and needs from an unhealthy relationship. I finally saw them for what they were, my troubled, repeated talking to the wind...asking for the answers that I already possessed. What closure, what a lifted weight.

I'm still sailing along on my post-cruise high...it's kind of like the honeymoon phase I've been saying. It's interesting, usually it takes no time at all for the daily drugery and stress of work etc. to take it's toll and that relaxing feeling of vacation to rapidly fade.


I'm enjoying listening to Podcasts, audio downloads and music tracks from some of my favorite Christian ministries right now. There are the teachings of the Sheasby's, Max Lucado, Greg Laurie from Harvest Ministries, Joyce Meyer and Rick Warren, and of course those who sing about my very struggles, desires and exhistance i.e. Michael W. Smith, Natalie Grant and Matthew West among others. These people, these gifts from God are inspiring me to be all that I can be. I know, it sounds like a Nike commercial - but I mean it. All I can think about is what can I do? How can I use my voice, my talents and my resources for the glory of God and for the betterment of others?


I think that part of becoming who God wants me to be lies in the relationships I have with people. I am blessed with awesome friends, some long-standing, some very new...but I know that they are all in my life for very specific reasons and I am greatful to God for the gift that they are. They challenge me, encourage me, make me cry as I share their pain and their sorrow and make me laugh like a child. But it is how I treat and love those that I don't know that I am most interested in. It is stepping out from my comfort zone and availing myself to those who need a helping hand that I seek. Now I know that there is no shortage of people and situations that can use help...and so I pray that God will continue to transform me into the desciple that he has in mind, that he will break my heart for what breaks his and allow His love to flow through me and out to the direction of the need.