I had a pipedream for a long time. I wanted to go on a cruise. I loved the water, swam all my life, worked as a lifeguard in high school and college and always took those corny boat trips anytime I was on vacation. I planted the seed in my head and I wanted to go on a cruise. In reality however, I was a single working mom. I had the sole responsibility of raising my kids and keeping a roof over all of our heads. Recovering from a divorce and unemployment took its toll and the dream remained just that, a dream.
Eventually my children matured and seemed less dependent on me and as an empty nest rapidly approached, thoughts of my dream vacation re-emerged. Justification for the extravagant expense seemed plausible as my 50th birthday loomed in the near future. I had visions of inviting friends and family on a short cruise and celebrating my big day with them. Life happened. I had a falling out with my daughter and things didn’t seem so rosy. As time ticked away decisiveness failed me and the half centennial cruise did not occur. I switched gears, literally and bought a car instead, but it did not satisfy my dream of cruising on the open sea amid bountiful spreads of gourmet food and endless activities. Come to think about it, a lot of what occurred the last half of that year did not satisfy me. In fact, it became a pretty dark year. My best friend filed for divorce which became a very contentious issue in our church. My place of solace became a place of judgment and condemnation. Additionally, I was struggling with relationship issues, low self-esteem and a lack of purpose. As I became caught up emotionally, there was backsliding and my relationship with the Lord suffered. I was not at peace. Eventually, being uncomfortable in my skin and with what I had become, I began to attend a monthly women’s bible study. I fought with myself and my worldliness and as the Fall season approached I turned away from what was keeping me in the distance. I repented, I sought accountability partners and I sought the Lord.
As a New Year approached I thought about setting goals and the same itching desire to do what I’d dreamt about for many years came back. There was a difference though, my focus was now on finding a Christian Cruise and thoughts of Alaska were awakened. At the same time there was a new struggle. Excessive legalism in my church had been an issue for me for some time. Women had long been restricted from leadership and teaching positions and my friends’ divorce was causing dissension. Meanwhile, I found the perfect cruise and in February of 2010 I booked a stateroom on the Michael W. Smith and Friends Alaskan Cruise. I was elated, I was in shock, I was nervous but I had done it, I was committed. In July I would board a Holland America Cruise liner and head for Alaska. The future looked bright. My hunger for the Lord continued and my faith was strengthened as I drew nearer to Him. And in the midst, the bottom dropped out once again. My friends’ struggle with the Elders finally came to a climax on Palm Sunday when they publicly removed her membership from the church on grounds of her divorce and plans to re-marry. It was a blow. I left and never returned. My church family of 9 years was now gone and it seemed wrong that just as I was working hardest on my relationship with the Lord my community was swept away. I now look upon that difficult time as one of the greatest gifts the Lord has ever given to me. My thirst for Him was not quenched - it was renewed. Those of us that left that church fellowshipped, celebrated the Lord’s supper and talked about planting churches. I ‘church-shopped’ and I prepared for my cruise. I would travel solo. I knew I wouldn’t find anyone to cruise with me but I didn’t let it hinder my plans. This was, in and of itself, a huge step. Just a couple of years earlier I would not dine in a restaurant alone, felt judged, and thought being alone was not okay. In telling people about my upcoming trip they would ask “Wow, who are you going with?” and my answer would be “2000 family members, members of the body of Christ”. The entire cruise ship had been booked through Inspiration Cruises and it was essentially a private cruise of Christians bound for Alaska ready to take in the beauty of His creation.
And so I stepped out in faith and prayed fervently for God to show me what He wanted me to see and to teach me what He wanted me to learn and on July 11, 2010, I boarded the U.S.S. Oosterdam in Seattle, Washington.
From the onset it was different. Going through the lines having documentation checked was painless. People waiting to board were kind, patient and ready to share a story. I met a couple while boarding and later upon disembarkment they were the last people I hugged before heading home. Once on board we were directed to a bountiful lunch and the journey began. The ship was divided into two groups that dined and attended nightly concerts together. When meeting people we became quick to ask “are you in the red or blue group?” Describing the week in this short writing could never do it justice. The concerts were outstanding and moving as the Spirit of God touched us through song and worship. Listening to Max Lucado time and again during the week was inspiring. Hearing his wife and Michael W. Smith’s wife share their stories was uplifting. Meeting those God sent my way with similar struggles was affirming and yet gave me an opportunity to lift others up. The most profound effect on me was the daily 7 am devotionals presented by John and Beverly Sheasby on his book entitled The Birthright. Throughout the week we learned that we as heirs to God’s Kingdom are loved unconditionally by our Father who sent us His son to reveal his character to us. Through the teachings of Jesus we were shown that God is our loving Father who simply wants to be in a loving relationship with us. He longs for us to tug gently on his nightshirt and ask for all that we need; this will be freely given to us as His children. I became broken on that cruise as I thought of my Father in Heaven watching, as I who had been given all, spent years beating myself up and allowing myself to be marginalized because of feelings of unworthiness and the of pain and damage of years of not feeling validated.
So how, some might ask, is this a story of a positive event in my life? The answer of course, is because there is Victory in the truth! Somewhere between viewing Glaciers and flying over fjords it was revealed to me that I am fully worthy and a legitimate heir to God’s Kingdom. I had been all along. There was nothing that I needed to measure up to, no assurance that I needed to have from a person, a man, or a relationship which would validate me more than I already was. I realized that I could lose the earthly things that I was given but what the Father had given I could never loose. It was mine, my inheritance, my birthright that had been freely given through grace and mercy. I learned my worth is immeasurable because I am an heir to the greatest Kingdom of all. No one can devalue me, but if I devalue myself I am not walking in faith. I may not be perfect but I am perfectly made and all the riches of my Father are mine. I was so humbled and yet so free. I began a cruise as someone wondering who they were and ended it knowing that I was a princess with a Father who has a Kingdom waiting for me. Events just don’t get more positive than that.
by Liz Hall(C)
Some reflections are absolutely beautiful. The reflection of a mountainous scene off of a clear lake revealing a mirror image can be breathtaking. Many of us don’t like our own reflection. We prefer not to spend much time in front of the mirror. We might think it vain or just don’t like what is starting back at us. But, perhaps we should spend some time there anyway. Consider that when we look upon our reflection we are looking into the face of someone’s child. Perhaps we are gazing upon someone’s mother, someone’s wife, sister; best friend. As Christians we are called upon to love one another. And we do, we try to. We are often successfulat encouraging someone, making someone laugh, giving a word of wisdom, brightening a day with our smile. The next time we look closely into our own reflection, shouldn’t we see what they see? Shouldn’t we see the friendly smile, encouraging glance, ready laugh? Shouldn’t we see the love that we have for others? And then, if we look deeper still, we should see our Savior. He is our shining example and we are called to be like Him. It is through Him that we can love. As we strive to be more like Him we become the reflection of his goodness, his mercy, his kindness, and his compassion. 
