Stepping out of the box

I've had it in my heart for a while to take myself on a cruise. I've always wanted to go but never allowed myself the pleasure, never made the time for - me. An Alaskan Cruise was always a dream and I had wanted to go for my 50th birthday but I didn't give in last year. When 2010 came around I recommitted to looking for a cruise and was looking for a Christian Cruise as I had made a recommittment to the Lord after a downward slip following the break-up of a long term relationship. I happened upon the Michael W. Smith and Friends Alaskan Cruise with Max Lucado, Matthew West, Natalie Grant and others and knew it was the cruise for me.

I recently got back from this amazing cruise. It was my first cruise ever and I went all by myself. There was a time as recently as 2 years ago when I wouldn't eat in a restaurant by myself. I just didn't feel comfortable, felt judged, thought being alone was not okay. My kids were on the verge of leaving the nest and I was grasping at straws, in a relationship that I knew was not healthy and feeling inadequate in many ways.

And so, this solo first time cruise was a step of faith in many ways. Faith in God and faith in myself. I knew I was blessed to even be able to go on a cruise in such economic times and I prayed fervently for God to show me what He wanted me to see, to teach me what He wanted me to learn...and He did.

Where I'm going

I eased over that mid-life hill recently and feel renewed rather than aged. My faith has a lot to do with my outlook on life. My trials have brought me to a place of great reflection and to a realization that they have helped to produce in me - endurance, tolerance, compassion, forgiveness and fortitude. The 'A' personality is slowly softening and the 'hot buttons' seem to have fading LEDs lately, but only because I'm allowing my creator to mold in me what He has had in mind all along. There is still much to do, to learn, to forgive, to mend but I have only to look to my heavenly father for all that I need to accomplish. In my quest to move forward I reflect and analyze what has transpired in the past.